It's your Birtday And you can SMILE if you want to , LAUGH if your lucky to.. maybe eve CRY if you need to , You would SIGH too if it happened to you.
Hello,
I'm Patricia , and thats me on the left at age four , It's my brothers birthday party and all our friends are on a cement patio. in Fidlay , Ohio on July 30 1960 .
During this year I had a boy friend . His real name I can't remember . He was a cutie . He lived in a house on the diagonal to mine and he would make his journey through the yards just to come visit me every day . I can see him right now. He would come up to the edge of the patio and sing to me , yodel and he called me Jane . And he would proffess his love for me. I never left the patio. He stayed on the grass . This went on till he had to move away.
We never had any physical contact. We never played together . Just the daily serinade. He was quite the little gentalman .
I was lucky. little did I know That It was the last I would see for the next half century. The last of that crazey In love with you look . That impish smile that wide eyed wonder comming from a man. In fact its the only one I have ever had in my entire life.
I still have hopes.
I have dreams
I have desires
I have wishes
I even have wants.
Are these expectaions?
I have been taking my little tray with pieces of cake to someone , and sharing my tender timid heart.
I dream sometimes of stepping off the patio. onto the grass, Or having him Him leap up onto the cement. And I work with that to see how I would feel . It informs me of where I am and what would do I still need to do. some more work.
Kinda a dress rehersal In my mind.
I see pictures and read words and they are so inviting . I see what I believe would be someone I would like to really get to know. A soul Buddy who shares so many of the same thigs I do i my real life. I see the potential .
But I'm not allowed to get a better realistic view .
I am told My desires hopes dreams are obsessions and expectaions. That they wanted to be no part of them in fact they were destroying the freindship . If the freindship was to continue at all they must be stopped.
these words crushed me.
So heres what my thread is about .
in relationships why are expectaions bad , or ruin a relationship as I 'm being told.
whats the difference between an expectation and a desire , a dream . and what makes them so " bad" or ruin a relationship.
I need help with this . Please when you share try not to give short cryptic aswers . I need stories real examples from your own life . Please feel free to be vulnerable .
In the mean time I'm trying to put the pieces of this cake I have given to decorated with my hope of somethig more . this person has given me a gift though ,they have helped me see I have so very much to give and Im still digging. i hope I have done the saame for them.
To you all here , your words your pictures your boldness ,your openess ,your acceptance, wit ,wisdom and just love, even though Its in typed form has transformed me in just a short while. Im finding myself a little more patient . Opening doors to saunas and banks for ohrers . lettig them have my place in line, smiling at others a bit more even when My eyes are filled with tears. I take some of you when I'm at work ands think of what I might say back to you, You have brought out my creativity and have opened my heart a bit more .
So thank you all . those i've had the chance to read you have given me a bunch of presents to open .
and Happy Birthday to you all. and thanks for making my day today very special . a place I can open and be honest a special gift it is.
Patricia .
I included the lyrics . I never really saw them till today. I've always liked the song so sing baby sing it....
Lesley Gore
"It's My Party"
Season 1
"The Gift"
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you
Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
But Judy left the same time
Why was he holding her hand
When he's supposed to be mine
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you
Then all my records keep dancing all night
But leave me alone for a while
'Til Johnny's dancing with me
I've got no reason to smile
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you
Judy and Johnny just walked thru the door
Like a queen with her king
Oh what a birthday surprise
Judy's wearing his ring
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you
Oh-oh-oh It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to.....
Courtesy of: Den's Oldies Lyrics Page