I havnt been here in a while,but ive really been going through some tuff times over christmas.Christmas is not one of my favorite times of the year.30 sum years of abuse,this is the hardest thing ive ever done.Iam on a rollercoaster every day,but it seems to get easier.Im just trying to hang in there,so far so good.The hardest thing is dealing with all the stupid things i have done,and all of the things that have been done to me.Alot of baggage,guess it is time to move on.I find it very hard at times, so alone,but that is what im use to and seems to be what i like.At least my suicidal tendancies seem to have dissipated some what.Im staying positive and actually looking forward to the future.No family (i scrapped them),no more freinds(they where all users)Looking forward to meeting some new freinds.Tell you something,between being abused,abandoned,being bi-polar,and having major substance abuse problems,i am still a compassionate ,thoughtful caring personwho holds no grudges on anybody no matter how much hurt these people have caused me.Staying positive, looking forward, and finally moving on after 42 years.