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Yesterday in therapy we talked about how I'm having increased depression, suicidal thoughts and began to self-injure again. He had me do the assessment out loud!! Sheesh...just because I can and that it can keep
me from fragmenting so much! The suicidal thoughts are increasing and are intrusive throughout the day. I have a plan.
I self-injured everyday last week, Monday through Friday. But, I have stopped for now. It started when we talked about my self-hatred.
Depression wise I'm labile, tearful (which I've never been before), fatigue, sleeping too much and too little, anhedonia, everything takes so much effort, decreased appetite without weight loss, and decreased hygiene (I haven't shampooed my hair in two or three days and on days I don't need to be anywhere I don't shower, change out of my pajamas, brush my teeth). (Do you feel like you are reading a case presentation?)
Anyway, he asked if it was bad enough to require hospitalization. I said that I am walking a thin line, but I think that I am okay for now. When it comes to hospitalization now, he lets me decide after we talk about it based on that I've told him when I have needed it in the past. I really am on that edge. Objectively, if I heard what I said, I would have hospitalized myself, but I really don't think it is necessary now. I know what hospitalization is like and I would go back to the same place.
So, no hospitalization for now, but three assignments:
1. give my medications to my husband and on Monday to my therapist
2. call my psychiatrist and inform him of what is going on. That really upset me because he thinks that I need hospitalization just to get through this difficult time.
3. call and leave a status message with my therapist on Saturday and Sunday.
All my life, I've had periods like this and never had anyone to tell. It felt so good just to be able to tell him, but it doesn't make it go away.
Last edited by ClinicallyClueless; Jan 17, 2009 at 06:20 PM.
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