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<<<<<<<I wanted to be free to have a more normal and productive life.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



I woke up one day,in the morning,to find a stack of business papers and to continue on what I thought I was working on. The only thing left to do was, a few more meetings and my signature. There was a very,very large amount of money involved.I have lived below poverty all my adult life.This deal, had thrown me into a state of shock and I was re-living a trauma unconciously.I tried and tried to do business for the rest of that day,but the thought process for business was not there. I had switched back to survival mode,inwhich my business part was created to get myself out of survival mode.Bottom line,no deal and there I was.....what happened?....why cant I do business anymore? It was there yesterday......

Now, this incident was before my diagnosis. I had already started a type of spiritual practice(prayer,montra,creator,God,whatever works,something).

Then, the serendipitous event occurred. I was on my way overseas,to go to work,when I went to get a physical in 2004, for the job.I was screened for ptsd,and it came back positive, as a few times before(this was not the first positive ptsd screening).It was suggested that I talk to a professional about the ptsd.I did and then I was reffered to another.

On May 29, 2004, I had an appointment with a Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress(B.C.E.T.S. Ph.d.).By this time, I had seen psychiatrists,therapists,psychologists,group therapy..(whats wrong with me)......etc.

I walked into her office and sat down.At this point in my life, I was willing to try anything.We greeted and she asked me if I was ready.My thoughts at that time were,here we go again,tell the stories, re-live the incidents and endore the pain,AGAIN.

The barrage of questions were then fired.I really did not have a chance to answer the questions,because she is a expert in d.i.d.

What I remember from that point on was,coming out of a blackout,crouched down in a corner of the office, in a puddle of tears to her voice saying ,doug, come back. She then asked, "who was that",and for the first time in my life,I had heard my unconcious speak,aloud,through me.

With all those years of therapy,(since98),this bcets specializing in d.i.d.
diagnosed me within fifteen minutes.

I found the problem in May of 04, since that time, I have been focusing in on the solution..................because....................

I want to be free and have a more normal and productive life
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