Oh silver! Goodness sweetie. I am in shock of how much you have going on there! Please no apologies for the length. This is great that you have written this out here to share with us.
It will take me some time to really take all this in (space cadet __zh) but would like to respond with more brain power than is happening at this moment.
Wishing you so much hope. Your insights are so keen and with the right set of supports (psychiatric, medicinal, etc.) you will for sure be able to better ride out all that life tosses at you.