Hi,

I know exactly what you mean, I too freak out at the prospect of relationships, sex, or intimacy etc...It is a natural thing for us to do, it's a means of self defense...it's because you assosciate the consequences of such acts as negative and fearful, so you immediately back off...

Even though I too doubt I will ever find a woman brave enough to take me on and ride it out, I know that the right person is out there, someone strong enough to want to stick around. Try thinking of it in this way - think of it as how you would be if you met someone who shared the same fears and history as you...would you stick around? would you want to get to know them more? would you want to be there for them no matter what? I am sure the answer to those is "yes", and so if you think it (as I know I do) then it is 100% certain that there will be others out there who know what its like to feel the way you do and will want to help. Never give up hope, deliquesce, there is most definately someone out there, it's just a matter of time.

I know the feeling of wanting to be normal, but we can't change our past...the only choice we have is to turn something so negative as that into something strong, something positive...and believe me, you can do it. Trust that you WILL be able to be with someone securely one day, but only when you are ready and the time is right...who knows exactly when that is but I assure you, it is one day. Never lose faith.

I'm sorry if this advice is pointless and un-helpful...I just want you to know you aren't alone, and that it most definately will NOT last forever...only if you let it.

I'm here if you need me, anytime...

Simon