Hey everyone,

I don't usually post in this forum, as some of you may know I stay in Sexual Abuse most of the time...but currently I have some thoughts I wanted to get off my chest and this forum seems most appropriate...

I wont go in to much detail, as I don't want to trigger anyone, isn't the right forum for starters...but I had some negative experiences as a ten year old in relation to sex and intimacy...that (among with other elements) led me to have depression which lasted a long time, in which I had no relationships of any kind.

Recently I met a girl who I really like, and I really do want a relationship with her. I have many issues relating to sex and intimacy etc...basically, at the age of 21, I am a virgin...have steered well away from anything related to that until now.

As I said, I want a relationship with this woman, but many of my issues have gotten in the way of doing so...I pushed her away due to fears, and I eventually opened up to her about why I was acting the way I was. We never went anywhere sexually, not even close. We only kissed once. I feel I am limiting my chances of having a relationship with her and she has dated someone else recently. I can see that if I don't change soon then I have lost my chance, and I don't really like that idea, you know? It's really hard for me to contemplate the prospect of being in a relatiionship after many years of being single and of a whole life of never having a proper relationship anyway. I don't know if I am ready for a relationship with her (or anyone), but I can't bear the idea of her seeing someone else...almost like I want it all my way...

I can really see myself being happy with her one day, a day not even far from now, but it seems so out of reach, you know?

I feel like I am currently unable to offer her what she deserves out of a relationship, and I don't even know what is really expected of me in one either...I feel so uneducated about it and it often leaves me confused and afraid.

Has anyone any advice for me? I don't want to lose her, but I know if I don't act soon I may just do that...yet I don't feel ready to do so...and I can't expect her to wait for me either, that would be selfish of me. Any suggestions?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Simon