Lonley, I understand where you are coming from. You are lonely, but not alone. I am not a doctor, but I think maybe if you seek counseling from a medical professional it could help. It would not hurt. I don't know if you feel this way. But sometimes I can't talk to my husband about things that really, really, depress me. Death is one of those things. I've been through a lot in the last 5 years. One sister passed and left 6 children that the state would not grant me custody of. I have 1 brother who is HIV+... Enough of my situation. When you snap at your son, I think he knows you are feeling down and does not hold that against you. He still loves you. Lonley, I believe you have a lot of idle time on your hands and maybe if you got employment or did some volunteer work you might feel better.