I'd like to add to this thread: firstly if it were real, would I be here typing this message???

I do know that fear has a lot do with my experiences, and maybe, just maybe the word paranoid is out of context. But that doesn't mean I am not paranoid. Or else the doctors wouldn't diagnose me as being delusional...

In a nut shell, the basic question between the lines of my post was; be careful, pay attention;

How can I read something in one moment; and then read it again in a few hours time and it (to me) is a different document all together. Am I hallucinating? Why did I read the document and it meant (to me) that I was doomed? If I didn't stop and re-read the document I would probably still be in bed full of fear!

F, if I wasn't meantally ill do you think I'd be here, is it my choice? I don't choose to be mentally ill. I am merely on a journey, trying to understand my mind and the people that influence it, negatively or positively!!!