Just sometimes I feel this way. I don't have therapist or I have never met one. I exactly don't know what is going on with with me.
I think this whole thing, my emptiness and self inconfidence started to grow from many years ago.
Almost for 8 years me and my family suffered from fighting with my brother's alcoholism and then his death. During this struggle I was teenager and I have become complete loser after I moved from country small school to capital city high profile school. (I was not good at math, but parents were pushing me hard to study in a school with students with talent in math; becoz family was poor and I was ashamed of wearing ugly clothes while classmates were wearing brand clothes. They laughed at me.)

After college I have worked for 5 years. I was really lacking soft skills, too inconfident and bad at communicating with people. When I start something I find it very hard to finish it. Therefore I delay business plan writing, loan proposal to committee, run projects. But I was never fired, I was just to manage my tasks but inefficient. Therefore I was not able to get promoted or acheive something.

Now I am graduate student and I'm done with 14 courses but I cannot start my thesis. My classmates started to defence initial proposal. But I have not started yet anything. I am foreign student here. I don't know I am getting lazy or something wrong with my psychology. Now how I behave is too irresponsible in front of my family, professor and my company which is financing and supporting my study in this country. Maybe I am too tired of pushing myself to live as normal when I'm not normal. Now I sleep daytime wake in nighttime. Only thing I am doing is watching movies, sleep a lot.
No dignity, no enthusiasm in life and no motive. Recently I did not get up from my bed for 2 days. I life is standing on my responsibilities to others. But not my will to live. I think I cannot live like this anymore. What is wrong with me.