simon, do you see a T? i'd think you could knock some of these feelings out in therapy. in the meantime, i'd try to remain friends with the girl. until you develop some skills/tools/healthy reasoning in the areas you mentioned i don't know that you wouldn't self sabotage the situation, jme.
hope this helps. you sound like an allright kind of guy. just need some guidance. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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