as a grad student they have school counselors in the pschology dept. and at administration. please try and set up an appt. you sound like you will need help with this depression. i am not a doc, but i think this is at least part of what's going on with you. please keep us posted and thank you for having the courage to share this with us.  we truly care and i believe you can get help and feel much better. therapy/counseling can help you untangle the feelings you are having. many times it's based on false beliefs we have. you can pm if you want. i care. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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