Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me that you have taken the time and effort to read and reply to my posts.

I_WMD - I see what you mean about a whole life, but I mean I have been single MY whole life, so far, regardless of my age...so I feel I don't know what a healthy relationship is etc...My problem is that I don't feel I can ask her to be patient and wait, it would seem selfish for me to expect that...I don't know how long it will take me to work past the things that hold me back, so how could I ask her to wait?

madisgram - I do see a T, have done for about 7 years now. We have talked about it before, but to be honest, there are so many other things I am trying to work on, this is just one on a list...it is so frustrating. I want to be able to be in a good place and offer her a strong, safe relationship, but as you say, I may just sabotage it indirectly by not being ready.

An element that contributes to this is that I come from an unstable upbringing...parents seperated when I was very young, and they would fight often, and they would see other people, many people...relationships held no meaning to me, and love etc just seemed to be a negative thing. That is the image I have of it, and so it's hard for me to think that it can be anything else. Like I say, I am uneducated....just don't know how to "educate" myself. I did have a girlfriend back in school when I was 14, I feel for her big time, was crazy about her...we lasted 4 months until she ended it. I believe it was love, some people say it can't be love at that age, but I strongly disagree...I know how she made me feel, was so good...It was the real thing, never went further than kissing etc. That is the longest relationship I have had, and is pretty much the only proper one too (to a certain extent)...The way it ended was quite ugly and I am scared of going there again...It took me years to rebuild after we split up (even if it was only 4 months we were together)...I don't want to be dwelling on the past, I'm not usually that kind of person...but lately the potential relationhsip with this woman has brought it all back I guess.

I hope this woman would stick around, I can see a really good relationship with her going by how she makes me feel, but there are so many conflicting thoughts and expectations, because of what I said above, hence why I think some days I am positive about it, others I am not. The damage that does, of course, is that from another persons perspective, I am giving mixed signals, possibly even that I am playing games. I have explained to her that this isn't the case, and I think she believes me, but it can't be easy for her. I want to be able to be strong for her, she has issues of her own...I want to offer her strength, something I know other people can...leads to an inferiority complex...I believe I am not, and perhaps never will be, good enough...that is a result of low self-esteem, so I need to focus on that too.

Simon