Simon, I had a difficult background too and didn't get married until I was 39. Relationships take practice! I keep forgetting that other people don't wake up at 15 or 16 and know exactly what to do and how to do it and are totally comfortable. Everyone has the same sorts of problems with differing levels of comfort interacting with others and I think it's highly unlikely that the first person you "like" is going to be "the" one for you.

I gradually did a little dating and met/got to know several men and in the process, got to know myself and start working on my issues. You can't just mentally get over your issues, it will take time and experience working with them. That's what I did, I didn't think of myself as a failure or flawed, I just saw I needed more experience and knowledge. It might take you a bit longer but it sounds to me like you'll get there! I like the idea of seeing a therapist too; I did for many many years and that was very useful to me.