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imapatient · Jan 19, 2009, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deliquesce

it was my idea?

my memories of what happened are dream-like. but i have one very distinct memory where i asked dad to kiss me like adults do. he said only adults do that but i told him i wouldn't tell mum. i knew if we did it that he would love me more, so i kept demanding it until he did it. it wasn't traumatic, just gross. i dont think we did it again.

i am not angry or upset about it, it was my idea, after all. i was in control the whole time, so it was ok. i feel guilty about making dad do that, though. i was such a demanding little ****.

but i think - the other stuff (that i'm not even sure really happened) - maybe i encouraged that too? or maybe, it didn't happen at all, because who would want to kiss her father if they did something that was horrible?

Kids ask for things all the time that their parents don't/won’t give them. And they don't because they think it wouldn't be good, would be bad or harmful, or other reasons (don’t have the money, etc.).

Did he do everything you ever wanted?

Kids want to have sex with their parent(s)--on some level, yet most parents don't do it.

You're not bad for wanting it or doing it. You want what you want and you ask for it. That goes on throughout life. But he should have recognized that it would be harmful for you. He shouldn't have done or wanted it--he was the adult who should've reconciled the idea that something like that, whatever his or your urges to the contrary, would be disastrous for both of you.

Bottom line: Wanting something and asking for it as a kid isn't bad or uncommon (it happens every day); it's up to the adult to maintain the boundaries, not the kid. He violated an enormous boundary, whatever his motivations were.