hi, i'm new :hat_tip: got a little question, you may have ideas. i'm bipolar 1, diagnosed about 6 years ago, but it's been there pretty much all my life (i'm 28). also add, but off the ritalin for about 2 years. i'm having real problems with my meds at the moment - lithium, valproate and amitriptyline. i used to be on antipsychotics but none of them agreed with me. plus i've been relatively well the last year or so, so anti psychs less urgent. but i've not been taking my general meds for a few weeks, this is because they make me throw up. this is a new development, it's really frustrating. i've spoken to my gp, who has given me anti-sickness pills to take before the meds (like i need another pill...). she said this was only short term while she spoke to the psych but surprise surprise i've not heard from her. anyway, my mood's been a bit odd the last few weeks, not really bad, certainly ot bad enough for hospital, but i'm aware that it's going a bit. it's mainly mixed state (like i usually get) - irritability, depression, anger, lack of control of self etc. but last night something weird happened. i went out for a friend's birthday, we went to the pub, i didn't drink too much, a couple of pints, which is pretty standard. but after about an hour i suddenly felt really strange - really strange. i felt like everyone thought i was an idiot, that they were all avoiding me and when they were talking to me it was only to say i was an idiot, i thought they were all talking about me, saying i was an idiot. there were quite a few people there, who are normally friends, but i got into this thinking that they weren't friends at all, they thought i was a drain on them, they hate me really, they just put up with me, they didn't want me there, they all thought i'm an idiot etc etc. i went really withdrawn, with occasional outbursts of silliness - well, just chatting with people but me feeling it was forced and silly and inane and pointless, followed by me withdrawing into the corner and mentally beating myself up over getting drawn into their idiocy and allowing myself to be fooled by their false "friendliness". we left the pub and they were all going to a bar, which they asked me too but i still felt they were only asking through politeness. i was wandering a bit behind them with my coat hood pulled up, by this time i couldn't stop crying and i didn't want them to know. i decided to go home so started walking to the bus stop instead, but along the road not the pavement, and by this time at least one of them was following me but i ignored them. i think they were worried - but it didn't feel like it, it felt like they were just doing their duty to pretend they liked me and keep up appearances. in hindsight they probably were genuine but it still doesn't feel that way. part of me can see they probably are but i don't really believe it. one of them insisted on sitting at the bus stop waiting with me and i was just hoping the bus would come fast - it did, and i just got on it. i think they tried to phone me but i just switched off the phone. i remember changing buses and standing in the middle of the road waiting for a 2nd bus ignoring traffic going past me - i was quite enthralled by the headlights going past. i was really angry by the time i got home - with me, with them, with everyone, even people i don't know. i'd stopped crying and gone really angry (which is more usual for me) and then i went on the internet and posted a live journal which - well i seemed extremely confused, reading it back. i had a long sleep - i don't normally sleep much at all, but it was broken by really vivid dreams. again, i get vivid dreams quite a bit but not this concentrated or to the point where they wake me up, normally i just remember them in the morning. it's weird, last night was like being really really drunk, but i wasn't that drunk, and it was so unusual, to just switch off like that to the point where i was not sure what people were saying or even what i was saying. it's only coming back to me in bits now, i can't remember much apart from the overall feeling and some flashes. i feel ok now which is strange.

does anyone know what might have happened? i don't think this was a mood swing, it was too random and too quick i think. the only thing i could think of was a brief psychosis, but i've not had one of those in a long time (about 5-6 years) - any ideas?

hello everyone by the way