everyone must think i'm an idiot, or a loser, or something. i dont think pdoc likes me anymore either.

i have an exam tomorrow and i havent studied for it. the books are still sitting under my bed. i tried to call pdoc today to ask for some help, and his receptionist said she would pass on the message in one hour when he dropped by. she asked me who was speaking, and when i was spelling out my surname, she said - oh that's ok, we know who you are, you dont need to finish spelling your name, we all know you here. so i was thinking, maybe all the receptionists laugh at me because i go to see pdoc so often.

and then pdoc didnt return my call, so maybe he is sick of me, too. he must have got the message and rolled his eyes and been like "not deli again" and decided to call me maybe tomorrow when he wasnt feeling so exasperated with me.

anyway, it's ok, because i quit with my T a month ago and it hurt but it's ok now, so maybe if i quit with my pdoc it'll stop hurting in a month or two also. i can go to my gp tomorrow and ask for a new referral to a new pdoc, and this time i'll make sure that i space everything out properly so they dont think im a drain or a waste of space.

anyway, just wanted to vent. i feel pretty stupid for being such a nuisance and for thinking pdoc really meant it when he said i could call him.