Hi PC, hope you don't mind if I say something. It's not earthshattering, but are you or have you ever been in psychotherapy at all? Because therapy is where you get to the "root" of matters that may be an issue from childhood or from when you were younger. Talking about it to someone impartial, but not uncaring, can help a lot. A therapist will ask you questions you may not have thought of asking yourself and that might lead you to the answer. This will help you to heal inside yourself. You can even ask the therapist about your issue of sex with your wife. Once you had things figured out, then you would be able talk with your wife more clearly, calmly, and directly. Communicating our needs exactly is hard if one cannot determine exactly what they are. What do you think?