Hello Simon, thanks for replying. Totally agree with deliscquese(sorry if I spelt it incorrectly). You are truly wise beyond your years. I am somewhat humbled by your response. I like to be humbled occasionally as I can be arrogant sometimes.

My partner sometimes still struggles with his self immage as he is losing his hair which hurts someone so young and he thinks he is too skinny. He is very tall with lovely dutch skin and green eyes. I just love him! But he has come out of his shell alot since being with me as far as feeling attractive. Funny, before he met me and he still is now, a huge risk taker and isn't afraid of anything which I am in awe of as I am afraid of everything. He has slammed his dirt and mountain bike into trees and off cliffs and god knows what. He has broken so many bones but he keeps getting back on that bike. Amazing. I really learn alot from him. He is in competition riding now.

As for my sex life earlier, I definitely think it was attributed to abuse. I was dx bpd at the time and impulsive, self-destructive behaviour is a cornerstone of the disorder. I associated sex with power, not love. I have huge issues with sex to get over. My partner is helping me to heal and he is very patient. He came into my life when I was ready to heal.......and he is here for the process.

Good luck to you. Maybe a trip would be good. If I was your friend that you spoke of, I would be honoured to have you in my life......by my side.