Zen, sounds like you found yourself a good plan! Our reality is what our brain makes it because of our past and experiences. Remember, that what you are perceiving isn't the "absolute" truth with these other girls. It is only your perception through glasses which have had bad previous experiences and development that has left you vulnerable. If you could try to step outside yourself and bit and realize that there is another way to perceive your experiences. I guess it's like not taking your experiences so personal, giving yourself some space so that the walls and everything don't come down and constrict you. (This is how anxiety felt to me. It felt like I was restricted and compressed. Now I feel free from things and nothing constricts me.) I hope this makes sense!