Hi Dog, I'll take a shot.

There are at least a couple bipolars here who for one or another reason do not take any meds. I am one, and for much the same reasons as yourself. I'm also bipolar I. It ain't easy, huh?

My take on this episode of yours is simply the "progressive" nature of bipolar. In my own experience, progressive hasn't meant that it gets "worse" but that it changes all the time. The feelings you describe of your friends' estimation of you I know well. It's paranoia. It's included in your deluxe bipolar package with no additional cost. What a deal, eh? (Hope you've got a sense of humor about it all, or you're not going to like me worth a hoot.)

Some of us non medicating bipolars, myself too, try to find some emergency only meds, which though disagreeable, help us cope with the most severe edges of our symptoms. For me, Zyprexa works very well when the more psychotic features present. It is one that works within an hour or so, as opposed to the typical several weeks and months of titration that so many psych meds require before any efficacy is noticed.

You landed yourself in a good place for learning and support when you came here. Hope to hear more from you. Nice meetin ya.