I am feeling really really down. I don't see any hope for us at all. I don't know what more to do.

When I was with the family therapist alone, I told him the alternative I could see was that we each retreat to different ends of the house and don't interact at all with each other. I guess that's what "giving up" might look like to me. He said a lot of people do that. They just watch TV or retreat in some other way and don't interact. He thought it was good I was not doing that, that I was there in therapy. It showed I was trying and wanted something better.

I'm just not sure I can keep doing all this. Earthmama, maybe I am trying too hard. I don't know what more to do. I know what it looks like to just ignore this, and it is not what I want and not what I feel I can survive without more damage. This is not just some teen thing with my daughter, she's always been a real challenge. I tried to ignore it and pretend she was "OK", that we were "OK." With others present in the house, it was possible to talk myself into thinking things were OK. Now my H is gone--a big success for me--and my other daughter is gone. It's just the two of us and it's harder to ignore things now. Plus, I have worked so hard on my marriage and ending that and making my life better. To me, that is self care. But here I am left with this huge negative in my life, this huge drag on me and my mood and my efforts to move forward and have a better life. I know that sounds incredibly self centered and awful for a parent to say that. I just feel how can I keep taking this? I try to let her constant insults and negativity and hostility roll off my back and ignore them and not let them get to me. But it's so hard. I just feel so tired of this. The family T says I shouldn't ignore those things but I don't know how to fix things and make her stop doing those things and be like a normal person. I have tried, but not been successful. Her behavior does not change. So I give up and then go back to trying to ignore her awful behavior again.

Yes, that's probably why he did it, MissCharlotte. That sounds right. My daughter does not care about my feelings, if she has any awareness of them. She is not shy about telling me that. I have heard, "I don't care about you", and "I don't care," so many times. She likes to make me feel bad. Another thing she often says is, "no one cares about you." I guess that's when she doesn't want to take responsibility herself for the not caring. I have tried to model respectful and caring behavior to her for many years, but it doesn't work. I have tried to inform her when her words are not caring, when they hurt, when they are mean and disrespectful, but she doesn't care. The family therapist told me I need to let her know when something she says hurts me. Why? I've done that. Maybe some people, if told that, would react by changing their behavior. When I've told her, she just says "I don't care." She likes hurting other people. She thinks it's funny and will laugh. If she hurt me, then she has been successful. You can't make someone care when they don't.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so depressed.

Last night I remembered I have to go to therapy today. For some reason I thought it was Thursday.

I so cannot go in that room with T and pretend things are OK. I'm so down I can't talk to him.

What does taking care of my needs mean? Maybe it means getting her out of the house for good so I don't have to withstand her constant barrage of negativity. Maybe that's self care. I don't know what to do, I really don't. Am I so important to myself that I will give up on our relationship? Or will I just submerge my needs and let the relationship continue as it is? Keep being the doormat and pretend she isn't hurting me? That's the message I get from that book on boundaries: the child has all the needs, the parent is not allowed to have any. Is there some other way out of this? Some other path? I really feel too down to keep trying.

I'm sorry to keep rambling on this. I don't know what to do.

I'm going to call my T and cancel our appointment. I can't go to therapy in this state.