I totally feel the same way you do. I'm in therapy too, but I have been diagnosed with any disorder. My T keeps trying to get me to stop beating myself up and try to talk more with others and be more social, but the loop thing you talk about and rejecting yourself first thing seems to be happening more and more lately.

It is a terrible loop, but I wish I could tell you how to break it. I hope others post help more but don't feel you're alone.