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I have diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and Anxiety but am currently off all my medication due to the side effects.
Sounds like your in a lot of pain! Does this happen when your on your medications? Go to your doctor, be honest, and maybe work on the correct medication combination, etc. Until then correct your thinking, he is with you not anyone else. We all have been with others. I am not going to be the first for anyone!!! Been there already and did it! LOL Besides, the first wasn't fun or that good! Stay in the here and now. Live today. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you start thinking negatively. But get seen by your doctor. Remember you are NUMBER ONE because he chooses to be with you.
Agape4us
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Update: Living without any medications after 16 years do to mindfulness meditation and mindful psychotherapy. (Previously given many wrong diagnosis.) Currently in mindful psychotherapy. Pursuing neuro feedback to increase functioning of right side of the brain, as trauma causes deficits in the brain. Will update when I know the results!!!
Keep on researching to increase healing and happiness. Buddhism is my path. 
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