I'm no doctor, but have you discussed the possibility of OCD with your doctor? OCD to me was a Monk type person, but as my doctor explained it to me if you are unable to stop a behavior and the consequences of not being able to complete it are those you describe.

Other than that I would recommend you speak to a therapist to determine WHY these things are so important to you. No one beyond the age of 18 (perhaps younger) comes into a relationship with a clean slate. We all have baggage.

I know the frustration with medication, it may take a long time but eventually you will find one or more that will help and have side effects you can live with.