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Originally Posted by earthmama
(((((((((((((((((((sunny))))))))))))))))))))))) I hope you don't cancel. Connecting with T is a good thing, no matter how you are feeling.
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I didn't cancel. It was the right decision. Thanks, EM.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Sunrise, is your daughter angry with you?
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Probably. She is very angry and hostile in general and shows her anger to many people, not just me. She is not very communicative so it's hard to learn why she is angry or if she even knows. Over a year ago, I talked to my therapist about this, and he was sure she was angry. I said but at what, at who, she probably doesn't even know. I remember, he said, "she knows, ask her." So I asked her and she did tell me she knew why she was angry, and she knew who she was angry at. I asked her who it was and she wouldn't tell me. She just said, "don't worry, it's not you."
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Originally Posted by pachyderm
Why else would she be expending so much energy if not to protect herself against the fear by attacking you instead? Fear is a powerful force.  Remember, what she is expressing is her fear. Not yours. |
Anger often stems from fear, so this seems reasonable. But how does knowing she may be afraid help me solve this problem?
Knowing it is fear or anger does not help me or the others around her live with the effects on her behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
You mention how you and your daughter have never been close.
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I don't remember saying that. I'm probably about as close to her as anyone and as close perhaps as she is capable of being. At times I feel a certain kinship with her, perhaps because I do see her sometimes in such pain, and my heart breaks for her. I had a really unhappy childhood myself and seeing her this way brings back memories. One of my goals in having her go to individual therapy is that she will be exposed to the idea and experience of therapy, even if it seems not to help. I hope that someday when she is an adult, and ready to work on her problems and being happy, that she will remember that therapists exist and can be a source of support and help, and maybe she will go to one. I wish I had known about therapists and gone to see one a long time ago. As for being close to her, no one really is--she won't let anyone close. I am closer to her older sister, but yet I feel in many ways I am (or was) more like her. She is like a more extreme version of me at her age--deeply unhappy and alienated from her family.
I had a good session with my therapist today and am feeling stronger right now and able to view her with more sympathy. I guess I'm not ready to give up yet.