I am really scared about where I am right now. For the longest time I was fighting the good fight and felt hoeful for the future. I guess the thing that put me over the edge was the fall out of a relationship with someone that was a true love and best friend. I deserved it as I behaved horribly, did the unthinkable. Even though I know I acted out because I am ill, it matters not. The guilt I carry is overwhelming. And, I just can't take the icy stares as people in my place of business know my story.

Now I have just crawled into this hole. I have let so many things go and I feel that there is no way that I can dig out. And, even if I did dig out my life would be so incredibly unpleasant (even more than now). I am just so frightened. I set this course for myself purposely and man have I been successful. But, I had no idea that the guilt and ridicule would feel the way that it does.

Sorry for venting. I know I am stuck, in a rut.. you name it. I just feel at the end of my rope and don't even know where to start.