What you said makes total sense to me, Chaotic. My T talks about my "authentic self"....I think I have had glimpses of her, maybe, but I'm not sure.

I imagine my authentic self as being someone who is just comfortable being however she wants/needs to be in any situation, who is willing to stand up for herself and set boundaries without being afraid. My authentic self is probably more integrated then who I am right now.

I think the combination of growing up in an abusive household where I had to act how someone else wanted me to act all the time, and the dissociative coping stuff that I had to develop to deal with that has made it so I don't really HAVE an authentic self yet. That makes me kind of sad...

Good question, chaotic...