Quote:
Originally Posted by FJRPC
Dog damn it!
What the fcuk is wrong wth me? Why is it so easy for me to screw up a perfectly good thing. Have I no social graces whatsoever?
I'm so pissed that I came here to help sort out my issues (issues, feels like I have a full subscription), and all I do is manifest my flaws again...here...with such insensitivity and self-centered idiocy as to be just absurd.
It's like I'm chasing people away from me by being completely inapropriate. I lose friends by being over candid, I lose the friendship of wonderful women by expressing some of what I feel inside, and I lose self esteem the whole time for being a total dip-$hit!
All the while, my wife is putting up with me. I tell her the meds aren't working as well as I thought they should, because I'm still way too moody. She accepts it because she knows I'm having a hard time coping with my "weakness", but still, it isn't healthy for her or for the people around me that I continue to alienate by being such a dik.
AARRGGHH!!! Somebody hit me in the head with a bat, PLEASE!
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I can totally relate to you and social skills. I ask myself if I could do it again, would I say anything differently. I have gotten to the point where I walk out or away before I blow. And yes my language isn't so called appropiate either. I can remember walking down the street saying "fck" just because we could...lol But that was the sixties!!. And I was young.
Perhaps, you are being too hard on yourself. Don't I know that accepting my limitations are so difficult. I think loving myself is hard also. When I let another hug me then I can release my pain. Your wife sees you better than perhaps you can. She loves you for some reason. What are those?
Do something really nice for yourself. Find something humorous to read or watch with someone who cares about you.
So hang in there So. Cal Peace be with you. Sincerely, Agape4us
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Update: Living without any medications after 16 years do to mindfulness meditation and mindful psychotherapy. (Previously given many wrong diagnosis.) Currently in mindful psychotherapy. Pursuing neuro feedback to increase functioning of right side of the brain, as trauma causes deficits in the brain. Will update when I know the results!!!
Keep on researching to increase healing and happiness. Buddhism is my path.
