I came home early from work today because I have an infection and I am feeling lousy. Over the past week I have had really intense intrusive thoughts with suicidal ideation. I called T feeling very very vulnerable and told him that I was home but that I didn't know if I would make it to session. He called back and I told him that I was going to try and make it down to his office. Once I heard his voice I just knew I needed to get myself up and out--that connecting was infinitely better than not, even if it meant going to T's feeling crappy.

I have had a very hard time showing T my vulnerability in session. Well, today the walls came down. I showed T how much I was hurting and we talked about me being stuck inside my head. He said that he could see that there was a very vulnerable part of me inside. He said that the adult me had to take care of her.

Somehow I held onto myself and I didn't dissociate at all.

I think a piece of me that hasn't been known in-session for these past two years showed up tonight.