It was my 2nd appointment. The first was a month ago to start meds; this was the followup. It seemed in the beginning that the med made a difference, but was unsure exactly to what extent. And then I got those emails. I reacted really bad to them, like PTSD and depression. I confessed to her that I freaked my kid's psychologist with something I said in reaction to those emails, and said what it was. It was a prediction about how stressed I would be if I took my ex to court in order to see my kids--I felt that all the hell he'd cause me in that would make me want to kill myself. Boy, did her pen start writing more and faster here! I've had no intentions, like I said, a prediction if I took him to court. But I did have thoughts. And then with what happened today late this morning when someone shoved his damn groin into me--PTSD emotional reaction. I suppose this was a good day to have the pdoc appointment after that. I was able to hold in any tears but I think she noticed that my eyes might have been a little watery. Needless to say, after what I all said there today she doubled the med. It already makes me really tired all day. I can't imagine if I'll be able to stay awake all day without a nap if I double it. I called my T and left a VM too to ask if its useless that I even have job interviews. Should I even look for a job right now if there is a chance that I could react to someone or something? What if a male coworkers gets interested in me like this one guy today and gets too close for comfort or actually does do something inappropriate--how will I react? Or what about more emails from my ex? I can't function "normally". When something happens I just want to be alone, or to talk without saying anything, to cry. My T tried to call back while I was in with the pdoc so I missed his call, but he'll try again sometime tonight.