Last time i saw T (Monday) i finally told her about increased su ideations and that sometimes I feel like the world around me is not real, more like a computer game. Her reaction was strict. 1: renew no self harm contract 2: small lecture on why su is a bad thing 3: get information on the "not real" feeling 4: any hallucinations? 5: a little "I care about you" blah blah stuff which sounded like a lie after after all that strict bussines like approach. So... I left feeling bad, because 1: I think she took everything I said way too serious 2: little me freaked out after hearing the word hallucination 3: i can't stop thinking about the contract and the ideation thing gets worse 4: she said she would like to talk about it next time we meet and it scares me. Now the main thing: do you think it would be ok if I call my t and ask for one more appt this week (next regular appt is after almost 2 weeks)? I know for sure she has time tomorrow. It's not an emergency. It is very hard for me to deal with all this stuff, but I will survive. Seeing t would make it easier. One more reason I want the appt is that I feel I could talk about su ideation if it happens fast. Usually I just shut down after T mentions it. I would like to see t tomorrow, but I'm afraid I'm too needy. I just don't know, I don't want to make t tired of me... Should i call t or not? What would you do?