Peaches, I love your definition of a relationship! This is how I have close relationships. (Your posts were so clear and expressed so well!) Your question was how do you move forward to get what you want. You discussed the fear of intimacy. I had to work past this. For me it involved all that you talked about. Learning to trust, getting beyond the fear of getting hurt....... But for me also, I had to learn how to protect myself. None of us here were taught how to protect ourselves. If you can learn how to protect yourself then getting close isn't as scary because you are no longer powerless. How do you protect yourself? You need to know what you need so that you can stand up for yourself when you aren't getting it or it is being taken away. You have to feel that you have the right to protect yourself. You have to be able to set boundaries and tell people no.

Getting close also involves feeling good about yourself. If you feel that you are bad you certainly don't want anyone close enough to see this badness. If you change this and feel that you are good then it is okay for others to get close and see who you really are.