Wow, what a heavy burden to carry litobes. I really feel for you. It's obvious that you come from the heart and that can be overwhelming at times and rewarding at other times.

I think that what your therapist might have been getting at is that intellectually you understand the illness, mentally you "know" that it's not personal when he is angry all the time, saying mean and hurtful things. In your head you can reason and rationalize all these things.
The problem is that all of this "knowledge" hasn't sunk into your heart yet. It doesn't make sense to you emotionally, this is your HUSBAND, this is not how things are "suppose" to be. It's exhausting, stressful, confusing and lonely. Your head tells you one thing, your heart tells you another. This is where the inner conflict lies.

A few suggestions I can make are to journal, write it all out, don't hold back. Get exercise to keep yourself healthy physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Eat right so your body is getting the proper nutrients to function at it's most optimal. The fact that you are in therapy is outstanding. There are support groups out there for family members of ppl with bp. Make sure your husband is taking his meds and if they aren't working, get him to the pdoc ASAP to try something different and keep doing that until you find what works. There is a pluthra of meds out there for bp, something will click with his chemistry. Keep reminding yourself that he is ill and in need of your help, comfort, assurance, nurturing and love. Keep the love alive, this is vital to surviving this illness. And with your big heart, this will absolutely be possible for you.

I hope this has helped you even a little bit. Please keep coming back, post as much or as little as you like. I hope I get the opportunity to get to know you better. TgrsPurr, xo.