thank you, imapatient. i have this sense of overwhelming gratitude to you for you having written that and shared a part of your story here.

i think a part of my reluctance about bringing this up with any professional is that i still live with my parents. i'm studying at uni and can't afford to move out. they are good people and try their best. i'm scared that if i tell someone, that person will keep telling me that i have to move out, move out, move out. i guess a part of me is conditioned to think that no one will like me unless i do what they say - so i'm scared that if i don't move out i will lose the support of my therapists.

all of this is very confusing to me . i wish i'd never embarked upon this "processing the past" track.