I have suffered from OCD for years, to varying degrees. Lately, however, for a number of reasons, I've had a bout of pretty serious depression. I'm crawling out of it, slowly and tentatively, trying to be optimistic but cautious at the same time.

Here's the strange thing, though. When I was depressed, I found that my OCD symptoms fell away, as nothing really seemed all that important. Lately, though, I've found that my old symptoms are returning. A big thing for me is administrative stuff - I'm applying for a PhD program and several scholarships, and I get worried that I'm following every procedure properly. I'm also driving various admins at my university crazy with my constant checking of my applications (to be fair, my school is a nightmare when it comes to bureaucracy). I've also found that my checking of other things - door locks, etc. - is starting to come back as well.

The thing is, in an odd way, I can almost see this as a good thing. I'm starting to care about life again to the point that my old worries are coming back. On the other hand, it's hard to re-train myself to handle my true OCD symptoms - I can be a real train wreck if I don't control them. I feel out of pratice handling OCD, I suppose. Isn't that odd? I'm also worried that I've let something slide in my depressed state that I'm now going to have to get a handle on (some administrative issue, I mean), but I suppose that's just the OCD again.

It's strange. The return of my OCD is both a good thing and and bad one.