vett, you did not set this course for your life purposefully. Depression makes us do things that undermine our attempts at creating a good life. And then, the depression tells us that we are only getting what we deserve, because we did these things to ourselves. But it's all a lie that the illness tells us...I know how hard it is right now...how much those lies look like the truth...but there is still hope.

I know all too well how frightening it can be, having to pull yourself up out of that hole...again. But I know you can do it.

You can alway vent here, vett...just keep trying to tell yourself that those feelings aren't real...you deserve to have a good life, and you do not deserve to feel guilty about your illness.

*hugs*
mj