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My hunch--based on your words and my similar personal experiences--is that you're mad at her for being gone so long, taking a long break. Having left you alone. It might feel like abandonment. Maybe she didn't make enough effort into making sure you got help while she was gone if you needed it--e.g. arrangements to see a colleague. Or the way she did relate with you when she was gone.
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out of my mind, left behind
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