Welcome to PC! I applaud you for joining and posting. It's a hard issue and by laying it out there for us, you show that you acknowledge it is an issue for you. Maybe for others it is cut and dry--leave her alone. Obviously for you, though, you are struggling. I know the need for closure is huge, the not knowing, the what-ifs. Did you have these thoughts, for instance, on your wedding day? Or when your children were born? Maybe you can look at when these thoughts are the strongest and why. I, too, really think a counsellor would be a huge benefit. What about talking to her brother? I know he's your best friend, but wouldn't you rather risk that relationship than taking the chance that "Cameron" will mention this letter to your wife? While I believe your wife should know your feelings, it's important to do it in a way that does not destroy her or you. Again, counselling will definately be able to help wiht that.

I hope we can make you feel welcome here, welcome to post your feelings and thoughts and concerns in a safe and non-judgemental atmosphere. I hope you will meet a lot of friends here, read a lot of helpful posts, join in on the chats when you are able. Please message any community liaison or moderator if you have any questions or concerns.

I wish you luck with your situation and offer my advice of please wait and think seriously about the damage you could do to everyone--yourself included.