Thank you all for your responses.

Cameron is not that young, nor am I or my wife. I am 42, and Cameron and my wife are both 40 years old.

I had just written more, but I timed out and lost it all...I will try and write this again.

My wife has know all along about Cameron. And yes, I have felt this way all through our marriage, through the births of our children and today. My wife's mission from the begining was to try and erase the thought of Cameron. Obviously it hasn't worked. I do feel bad that she has had to continue her battle for my heart...she is determined.

I have seen a "shrink", and he said that I had anxiety and depression. He gave me some pills and sent me on my way. Whenever my my feels like something is wrong, she asks if I have been taking my pills.

The "innocent touching", that went boths ways, started when Cameron was 10 and I was 12, and went on through to when I was 18. Because she has never openly admitted to any of this, it makes me wonder if I had done something wrong. I used to refer to myself as Cameron's "guinea pig", her test subject. Maybe if she just admitted to this, it would change my angelic view of her, and I can forget about her. That is why I want to talk to her.

Also, maybe I just want out of my marriage? Maybe I am trying to figure an easy way out without hurting my wife and kids. The past is just memories, and my head is full of memories, sadly to say, most memories are of the times with Cameron and not my marriage.

Thanks again for helping me with my "troubles".