First off: This is NOT about anyone at PC, or anyone even tangentially related to PC. I've had steam pouring out my ears for 2 days over it now, though, and I don't usually do that. So I'm hoping you'll indulge my rant, and a little gentle reminder I'd like to offer.

The reminder is: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is complete and utter CRAP. Please, please, please -- THINK before you hit send (on an email or forum post or text message) -- THINK before you open your mouth about whether what you're going to say is kind, or even necessary -- THINK about what you know about the person you're speaking to and what effect your words might have on them, given their history.

I learned very young and very quickly that speaking up -- whether to voice my needs, wants, or opinions -- would cause extremely bad and painful consequences. So I learned to shut the hell up, and to not make decisions. The end result as a grownup is that I frustrate the crap out of people 1) because I'm comfortable with silence and don't care to fill it up with mindless chatter (partly for fear of saying the wrong thing) and 2) I will NOT express an opinion unless pushed. A couple years ago, a group of friends and I got together for a long weekend. They decided the theme was going to be "teach Candy how to be assertive" weekend.

I had 6 people working on me for 4 days, and they all failed.

If you ask me where I want to go for dinner, I"ll say "oh, it doesn't matter, whatever you feel like." It doesn't matter if I'm starving for some particular cuisine and that only and really, really want to go to that particular restaurant -- damned if I'm saying so, unless you drag it out of me.

When I was 15, I sat on the stairs leading to the second floor of our house and listened to my parents in the kitchen discussing how they were certain they would never get out from under having to support me because I was too stupid to survive on my own.

When I was 22 and 6 months pregnant, I overheard my son's father tell someone that he was moving out because "we've proved we can live on our own without our parents and I don't need her anymore." (That's a direct quote, btw. Try getting THAT scar off your soul. Actually, given that my son turns 21 this year and I remember every word, it's not even a scar -- it's a permanently gaping wound.)

The other day, someone who knows JACK about my skillset but thinks she knows it all totally disrespected my knowledge, training, and decades of experience. I had my first article published when I was 13. I'm going on 44. I've won my share of writing awards. I have an advanced degree in a communications-related field. But, according to this person, I don't know what I'm talking about, because she's older than me and she has one more degree than I do and that makes her always right. And I am SO frosted.

And so I'm writing this partly to get up the courage to stand up to this person, but also just to remind everyone to PLEASE think before you speak, in either oral or written form. It will save a lot of hurt and a lot of tripped triggers. My whole life I've been told I'm stupid and lazy and I've worked my butt off to prove people wrong. To be shown that it's all gone for nothing is p*ssing me off.

/rant

Thanks if you got this far.

Candy