The thing is that she wasn't my first love, and we had an ongoing relationship together while we were seeing other people.

The "what if" has always been with me, when I was in the military, when I got married, when I had kids...while I am writing this.

I never said that I was "happily married". I am "contently married". Hopefully I don't get booted over to the suicide community, but many times I just think that the only way to end this is to die. I suppose that I could just get a divorce as well, and see where life takes me.

Maybe, I just miss my dad? He passed away when I was 16, in the midst of our "relationship" that I speak of. Maybe Cameron is that last little piece that I have of a happy time before my dad passed away? Also, maybe not being "happy" the last 20 years has something to do with it.

I just want to go home.