I can relate to so many entries here - I used to know who my authentic self was - but that turned out to be make believe - I am getting to know myself over again -

I still have trouble when the child takes over and checks out what is needed by others as my reaction rather than what my reaction is - and the mouth sensors - I can so relate to that - inside you want to say something and (I call it my guardian) stops you because it may not be what the person you are talking to wants to hear - and insecurity and fear take over -

I think children/people that were abused are always waiting for the physical or verbal hurt that they feel/know will occurr if they say the wrong thing.
Keeping your shields up becomes a habit that is hard to break