to: fayerody - i'm meant to be taking amitriptyline now, but i've not taken anything for a little while - a week or two maybe? i'm not really keeping track of when i'm taking them. i feel so guilty about not taking them (don't know who i feel guitly to, i guess that i know that if it all goes horribly wrong then i'll be to blame. but then am i to blame if the meds make me ill and i've spoken to the doc? i don't know. "over each mistakes were made, i took the blame" as the song goes.... but thanks for the advice, i'll bear it in mind.

tiger: that all makes sense. i think by yesterday afternoon i'd worked out that a lot of what i could remember was totally out of touch with reality, it's all very strange, it feels like a dream.

and i think you're right about the paranoia not being entirely imagined. just about all of what you both said makes a lot of sense. i'm still feeling quite drained and tired, but i've bitten the bullet - partially at least - and i'm going to have a chat with the gp later. i'm nervous of going in as i'm sure they'll blame me for everything for not taking meds, but i'll try to stand up for myself... thanks for your help