This is somewhat complicated. I talked this over once with my current therapist when I first started seeing her because I needed to know that she could deal with it but we haven't talked about it since. I haven't been able to put a name to it. I don't know if it was just kids playing or if it was abuse or what. I wasn't able to put the name of abuse to the emotional abuse I suffered at home until I was away at college. I don't know what this was though.

When I was five or six a neighbor girl (a year or two older than me, and I'm also female) and I touched each other. We found a book about sex in her mother's room. We tried out what we saw. I continued going over to her house even though I was uncomfortable with it, and knew it was going to happen. I think I might have even asked her to touch me at one point. I don't know if this makes me bad for asking for it to happen. We were often left home alone. I know that it felt good or I wouldn't have asked her to touch me again. It seems like I was complicit in the behavior and I don't know what that makes this. Was it just two kids playing around or what? I'm really embarrassed about it now. What if I wanted it? Does that make it my fault? If it wasn't my fault, I don't know that it was her fault either. I couldn't tell anyone then, and when my mom asked why I had stopped going over to her house, I just started going again so I wouldn't have to explain.

Can someone tell me what it was?