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for whatever the reason tonight I was hit by a big amount of stress. The only thing my mind could focus on was SI. Traditionally I either bite or pick at myself..not serious enough to actually be classified as SI though because of my threshhold for pain so it probably leaves a mark for like...30 seconds anyways. Well, tonight that just wasn't friggin satisfiying enough.... (even though I was biting as hard as I could before giving up or trying to use my nails like a frigging chainsaw....I guess my nails and teeth are just dull) so I was lookin for the sharpest friggin objects in my room but it's not exactly like I have blades and broken glass just laying around my room. I managed to find a teeny screwdriver which viola! had edges sharp enough to at least scrape. Not enough to actualy draw blood, but enough for those white looking scratch marks...which btw I hope go away before somebody notices because it's not ike you can say I fell down or something when you got a bracelet made out of scrapes and random places on your arms and legs all scraped up.
So yeah, after all that I needed to post.
I don't know what the **** kind of stress possesses me to be so self-destructive but it's like I know something should be happening, like a flashback or something because something in my brain was triggered and I can't see what's going on because I've got a damn blindfold on.
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