Thank you kimmydawn, ozzie, RhysMadison and Cat_eye so much for responding.

It's too hard for me to journal. i'm afraid that i can't get better because it's too scary to see parts writing and i don't agree with what they write. It makes everything so confusing. i always have to live one part at a time. Some parts don't think there is anyone else.

i've been going to T since dx five years ago. We tried some other T's in-between. It never worked out because they didn't understand or weren't able to be there when i needed someone in crisis. i almost never call but just having a T that is willing to be there is so important. Actually my T isn't very available either - whenever i called i was usually sorry because he wasn't comforting enough to be helpful. i guess it's just hard to find a T that can help
It's really hard to find a T that will take on new clients with DID.

Therapy is so difficult for me. T never said anything before about some parts not being out. It hurts, theyre not caged animals. i don't know what to do. The littles are the ones that like T the most, too. It was so different than he's always been.

For all the time i've been in t i have never been able to verbalize very much of the p.a. and s.a. It's too hard for us and i don't think that i can get better. It would be easier if T was more caring and supportive, especially since we don't have a lot of other support for going to t.
He's too busy but we've gone too far a ways to change- i never could find anyone else that would take me that understood my parts.

How do you all do therapy? It's so hard to trust someone that much, especially someone that says hurtful things. i feel like i have no recourse when things like this happen. i can't self-soothe. There is no one to go to after therapy and we're always in a dangerous place . It seems like no one cares then. Then a week goes by and we do it all again, come out a wreck. T knows it and doesn't give any ideas to cope.

Thanks again for your posts. i know that it's hard for everyone.
kerria