I was wondering. I wrote in another post how I screwed up with something Friday. I got mad at myself, but was mostly numb. I accidently sat on my nephews foot two weeks ago and I didn't comfort him when he cried. I let his father do that. I was afraid I would fall apart and never be put together again if I held him and comforted him and I didn't want to freak him out. He's only seven. I said sorry I didn't mean to but I was devastated. I never ever want to hurt anybody, it was an accident but after not comforting him, it feels like I betrayed him and did it on purpose. This is the type of person I've become. Now I'm wondering after my bender this weekend if I went too far? I have about forty something cuts on my upper arm. I've never done that many before only four at a time under my breast on my foot, and placs people can't see. Now what do I do if somebody see's this? It's not like I can say I fell. What over and over again for forty times over my excato knife? i go to the dr's a lot, I find out if I have a maglinent tumor on my pituitary gland this week, so what if they cuff me with the blood cuff thing and see this. I've screwed up and I don't know where to go from here. Do I show my therpaist my arm or not, if I do will she send me to the psych ward (at least they won't send to me to the one my dad's at hopefully). Nobody in my family will undestand, they don't know everything about me. I don't want them to know but I do want to get better. Its like leading a double life. Any suggestions. Thanks.