First off I dont know how this is going to go, its all new to me and a little scary. I have been in a committed relationship with the same girl for almost 7 years now. We are ( or were) engaged and expecting to be married in May 2010. But this last Wednesday night she found some emails in my account from dating sites and personals adds I had sent out. They were in my sent box and i had never thought to delete them, just never occurred to me. I know most people would assume (as she did) that I was cheating on her and hooking up behind her back with random women. But I swear on my life I have never touched anyone but her.

I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. This sounds corny but she is my soulmate and best friend and it sucks being away from her now. I never should have looked at those sites or responded, but I just wanted to know what was out there, I guess she what was available but never having the desire to act them out.

It is now Monday and I havent talked to her since Thursday. i dont know what i should do, leave her alone, wait( how long?, or call her and see if she will talk. unfortunately the last conversation she told me she never wants to see or talk to me, and that I disgust her and she doesnt even know me.

I took the last few days off work to try and get some clarity. i have spent a while looking online to see what my problem is. The answer that keeps coming up is a sex addiction and the first step is to admitt it. Well i will do whatever I need to to maybe one day follow through with my dreams and plans with my fiance. This seems like a good first step I hope.