Don't be sorry, honey. When we are told things like that over and over, it's a very difficult thing to stop believing it. I have likened it to a record (ok, a CD if you're younger than 35) that keeps playing over and over and over and you can't find the off switch. What we need to do is to record a new, healthier, more honest one; one which will say "I am worthwhile. I am great. I am strong. I am wonderful." How? There's a lot of different ways. It isn't easy, remember it took years of hearing how useless you are over and over, there is no magic wand, but there is hope. I don't even know you and I don't see you as useless or worthless--I see you as hurting. I also see you as helpful and kind. How? Because you are posting here, you have no idea who will see your post and say "I'm going through the exact same thing," and may take some hope away from here. You've just helped someone and don't even know it. You are a member here, so chances are if you haven't already, you will at some point respond to someone elses post. That's helping, that's kind, that's useful.

At some point we have to stop seeking approval of others and start seeking our own approval (ok, you and I can work on this together because I struggle with....one look from my mom can send me to the fetal position sucking my thumb and rocking!!). It's true, though. We have to take charge of our own mental health by approving of us. How we are. Not, "I'll approve of me when..." but "Even though there are things I want to work on, I approve of me and like me NOW." If you don't mind, I am going to send you a pm that may help.